Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
