i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
