1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
