I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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