i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
