I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
