I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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