im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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