Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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