She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
