Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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