is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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