just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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