Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
