Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
