Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this boner is exhausting
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
