You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
