conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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