I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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