put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize