What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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