goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
