I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
