The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
worst night to have a conscience
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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