You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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