dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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