I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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