my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
