i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
