I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
