I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Are my feet made of real feet?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
