Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
