I smell stomach acid.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
