dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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