This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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