I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
