my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
