..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
