I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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