I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
