First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
