How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
