you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
