Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
