he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
