She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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