dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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