There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
