matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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