Can i not drive my cunt home
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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