I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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