It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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