John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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