Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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