I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
