you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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