so explain again why im purple
no
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
