he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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