I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
