God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize