She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
