Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
