Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize