I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
