sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
