This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
