ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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