dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
