I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
