he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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