im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
