He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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