Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
